Bri I miss you more everyday. If anything the pain is worse, it never goes away and you are always in my thoughts. Im sorry for everything. I hope you liked your birthday balloon. It was so hard to watch it float away ...just like you. I want you to know I would give every material possession I have, I would even give my life, if it would bring you back and you would be healthy and happy. So many times I wish I would just have brought you home and waited to see what happened. Maybe if I would have prayed hard and had faith you would have been okay. I just accepted everything without question.. I wish I would have waited. I am sorry I didnt. Maybe I was selfish, wondering how I would have taken care of you. I am so sorry that I was selfish. Sometimes I think irrational thoughts, like maybe I could find a time machine, or maybe God would turn back time, or maybe if I could travel faster than the speed of light I could turn time backwards. Everyday I try to think of a way to get you back, for you to come home. I wish we still lived in Richwood on the hill, and you all were little. Those were good times. I have done so many things wrong in my life, made so many mistakes. The worst part about life, is there are no "next times". I wonder if everybody feels like they wish they could redo things. I wish you would have realized how beautiful you were - inside and out. You were so giving to others. I only know the sun doesn't shine nearly as bright since you are gone. I still expect when i go away and come home that things will be different, and I cry when they are not. I know I don't think rationally, but when you want something so much, I guess you will grasp at anything. I just want you to know I love you and I wish we could have celebrated your birthday together. All my love always. Mom